Lately, us girls have been on my mind. There has been a lot on my mind actually but girls have really stuck out lately.
When I say “girls” I mean all of us. All of the millennial girls who have to survive in this society with the constant tension and confusion from everyone else.
We are supposed to still be classy and ladylike because, apparently, “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” *cue biggest eyeroll of my life*
At the same time, “its 2017!! Don’t let that mindset keep you stuck in the ‘50s!!” *more eyerolling*
It’s honestly stressful. Constantly being torn in one direction or another by either our families, friends, or significant others. What’s a girl to do?
There are so many details girls have for their ways and reasoning’s behind their casual hook-ups and its none. of. your. business... NONE.
~casual~ could many things. You could be casually with different guys or going steady with the same guy but your relationship isn’t going anywhere beyond the bedroom.
The casual hook-up scene in our society, especially in college, is literally taking over our lives. Whether you are actively participating in it (#yougogirl) or just listening to your friends’ stories about their wild weekend (#thatsokaytoo), it’s around us.
What if you’re like “neither of those fit me” and you’re one of the many who are conflicted. You are a hopeless romantic and are longing for the fairytale love life but the one just has yet to come around.
Well, sister, you are not alone. I’m willing to bet $3 that if you ask around, other’s will be right in your shoes. If you asked me, I’d owe you $3. It may seem like everyone and their sister is casually hooking up more than they aren’t but trust me, that’s just not the case.
I know girls in all three categories- they’re doing it, not doing it, or do it and then are like “ehhhh.”
Why are we like this?
Are we actually doing more harm than good if we do decide to casually hook-up?
Have you ever laid in your (or his) bed, thinking “what the hell did I just do?” because you know that you aren’t this impulsive person?
Maybe the bars and that final drink before the Uber was called got the best of you that night. Could have been over a friend’s place and things just escalated. All of us can relate to this at some point. Knowing that it might not have been your brightest decision but it’s over and done with now.
If you are feeling stuck in this rut of “to hook-up or to not” and feel your past decisions could have been better, again you are not alone. I know you and your friends have talked about this before. We all do it, a big group of girls gossiping about our troubled lives.
Sometimes we just get tired of waiting for Prince Charming to come out of the woods and sweep us off of our feet and just want immediate satisfaction.
“So, tell us what happened!” need I say more? I guess you could say some of us get excited to talk about the spontaneity in our lives.
Does anyone care for my opinion in these? Who knows, but here it goes; I’m all for this culture. I think if you are being safe and are making smart decisions then how can anyone judge you?
But like I said in a previous post, if this is something you decided to do because you are trying to get back at someone or suppress your own feelings then I would have to say… let’s take a sec to reevaluate!
You don’t want to be making such a huge decision thinking about what someone who isn’t even in it a part of the equation, things just get messy.
Last night, you slept with that guy who did you wrong last time? You were up at 2 am and received the dreaded “wyd” text and responded to it?
I want this to be loud and clear-
This does not make you a slut or easy and you aren’t diminished to your late-night actions, one night stands, etc.
BUT WHAT IF YOU ARE THAT PERSON WHO ISN’T CASUALLY HOOKING UP
I see you girls. You have all the right to not participate in it. I’m willing to bet you have a little bit less stress than those who are (maybe not).
Maybe it just isn’t in your interest to do it, maybe you’re one lucky gal and are not single, or you have something with someone and you’re happy with that you two have.
And honestly, what the girls decide to do make me happy. I am a firm believer in girls supporting girls because we only have each other in the end.
We are just a bunch dumb millennials, killing every industry so why would anyone think we should have our personal lives together?
“Depression and anxiety together is like staying in bed and skipping school because you don’t want to deal with anybody else. Then, worrying for the rest of the day because you don’t want to fail. Having both is like wanting to go out and hang out with your friends, but then talking yourself out of the plans because you don’t want to have to make the effort,” –Anna Buckley.
A lot of us, maybe even everyone at some point of their lives, can relate to the above quote. Don’t mind me here but I’ll be playing devil’s advocate today. You can yell at me later but give me a chance first.
Lately, I’ve been pretty confident in saying “I don’t really have them anymore” but to keep saying that I would be lying. For roughly the last year, I haven’t even thought how it felt to be someone who suffered from anxiety and depression. It’s like I forgot what it does to your body. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely had my flare ups and panic-y moments but I believe (and know) that I am in a much better place than I was a few years ago.
When I think back to what I was going through every day while also living with the normal, high-school, teenage girl drama, it makes sense for my emotions to be even higher. But with all the hormones, the boy problems, the friend drama, I have no clue how I didn’t rip my hair out. There would be days when I would not leave the house, and even days where I wouldn’t leave the bed. Not because there was nothing to do (even though that’s usually the case for Paulding co.) but because I truly couldn’t get myself to do it.
Growing up, I was always a shy kid. If you weren’t my mom, my dad, or my bffs, I would start to cry if I had to even look at you in the eyes. I wish I was kidding. I always thought that was just me being shy and while yeah it is, it followed me until my freshman year of college. I realized that there were so many times I would miss out on new friends or an event and I didn’t want that anymore. I literally don't have my driver's license because the anxiety takes over my body. Growing older, I realized these were just the beginning of my anxious phases. So, I tried to break out of my shell but something about it was still hard for me. When will I just live normally without a constant worry in the back of my mind, y’know?
“What if they don’t like me?”
“What will my other friends think of my new friend?”
“Should I say ‘here’ or just raise my hand when the teacher calls my name?”
Now, I’m not writing this as a pity party because that is the last thing I want from anyone (in the nicest way possible). I just want to help someone. Seriously, that’s all I want. To this day, I don’t really know anyone who is as up and down as I am so if that is you… I’m here for you baby.
Being diagnosed with anxiety & depression after a tragedy in my family, it made sense to feel the way I did. So many conversations I distinctly remember from 7 years ago. Some conversations I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
Get into my mind for a second… whenever I have an episode, I become aware of everything and get awfully overwhelmed by it all. I start to become aware of everything- how rapidly my heart is beating, how many times I blink, the pace of my breathing, how badly I’m sweating, all of it. It feels like I’m in a bubble and I can’t escape. Shaking myself out of that? It doesn’t happen. I say all of this to say
IT GETS BETTER
When I say “better”, that varies for everyone. For some, that could mean that you are completely ~fixed~ and you don’t have to worry about these racing thoughts popping back into your head. For most others, I think “better” means that you learn how to deal with the outbursts and the low days. You find a way to cope during these episodes, whether it’s a few hours or a few days long. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing, above all else. Other things will be there. Sitting out one from weekend of partying won’t kill you and staying in on your off day won’t make your friends upset. It’s also essential to remember to keep good company around you and you will never have to worry about being left behind when you aren’t at your best.